I came to my current school by a fluke. Actually it’s a fantastic story full of love, irony and yes, eventually abhorrence.

Love is wonderful and complicated and it addles your friggin’ head some times. I was dating this guy and was completely head-over-heels for him. We both lived in Georgia but he went to school in TN. I idealistically dreamt that this wouldn’t be a problem. But, after about a month of long distance dating, crying over the phone, and only seeing him once it seemed that this relationship wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. So, yes, ladies and gentlemen, I decided to transfer schools so that I could be with him and as if that wasn’t bad enough, I decided to change my major as well. Yep! You read correctly I changed the school I was going to, the state that I was living in, even the major that I was studying for, all for him.

 Right now I am totally sure that there are two main reactions to this proposition. A wince and sharp intake of breath; I mean this seems rather risky doesn’t it? Or an “Aww, How cute!”. If you are the latter of the two let me take the time to verbally punch you in the head. Anyways…Those with the wincing would be much more correct in their picture of what happened. Let’s just say I eagerly planned the new school year to be with him but got my acceptance letter the day after we broke up; the cruel irony of it all.

Now you see what I mean when I say that things never actually turn out as I would have expected them to? I was then caught between the choices of staying at home and commuting to school another year or going to a new school in a new state knowing nobody but my idiot ex-boyfriend, Mr. “were gonna be so close next year!!!” Each choice seemed wretched. You know how councilors will tell you to write out lists of Pros and Cons and then weigh their results? Well, of course my lists turned out evenly. On the side of staying at home I had a really good job, and school was essentially free with the scholarship money that I was being given. But on the side of this new school was the freedom to be on a campus, and a new major that I was really interested in, which wasn’t offered in Georgia. UHHHH!! There were many, many factors going into this selection. In the end, obviously, I chose to go with the new school. I came to the conclusion that maybe this oh-so unfortunate relationship had some wonderful fringe benefits. I mean if it hadn’t been for this guy I wouldn’t have ever known that my present major even existed! I took a page out of the book of irony and decided to go to TN.  

So for all of you crazy kids out there that are worrying yourselves to death about where you go and for how long and what major you’re going to attain and how much money your eventually attained job will bring in each year and the zillions of other things that float through your troubled little minds: CHILL!! Look at my crazy life and be relieved. Through two schools and a botched relationship I got where I needed to go…and this method of choosing a school wasn’t offered in any of the college prep books provided in the guidance office of my high school. In other words, relax make the decisions that you feel prompted to and then let it go. I think this principle pretty much applies to all of life. If you screw up along the way learn from the lessons and move forward. Jeez, that’s the only thing that has kept me going all this time.

I think that I am going insane.

 Slowly without much notice I am draining away, or at least my tight grip on the reality that was my life is. The odd thing is that the older I get the more disillusioned I become. I mean isn’t college and all its glories supposed to give me more clarity?  They say even though you make all the stupid mistakes along the way, in the end you’ll come out knowing better what is going on. WELL, that is certainly not the case for me. It seems that life is not as simple as one could presuppose. Maybe that shows how shallow and childish our presumptions about life truly are. Yes, life truly gets more complicated the longer you live it.

            Just to let you know this is my second year of college and already within that marvelous (cough, cough…) year and a half I have switched my: school, state, major, friendship group, boyfriend, car and the list could go on for quite a long time so I won’t bore you with the rest. I have come to accept the fact that these changes have occurred, and could even say that I’ve made a peace with them. Yes, the more I live the less I know for certain.

Ooooh! Maybe I could say that I’m on the verge of self-discovery, but that seems rather clichéd and over used, really.  I mean, isn’t that what everyone searches for; the new and improved you. You know that kind of new and improved that you see in television commercials which, consequently, is always displayed by a large toothy grin and a new shiny plastic cover. It seems that on a whole humanity is never satisfied with the way they are. Each person must be searching for the weaknesses, faults or any other miscellaneous signs of imperfection within their daily routines. That way we can avoid that fact that we are merely dissatisfied with ourselves thus evading our brokenness. We can just say that we are in the process of rediscovery. Sounds quite intriguing, does it not? I mean, that surely implies you have life sorted out; you have found that answers for which you so desperately seek. It means that you have found that crack within the foundations of your life and are on the path to recovery. It means, rather than you saying that there are problems within your life you can focus on the fact that you are finding the answers. It just sounds nicer that way…doesn’t it? Ahh, the political correctness of it all…

Yes well, screw it!  I am quite through with that. I’m lost in the grand scheme of life and I love it! I guess that is what college is all about, maybe in the end answers will come.